Sunday, April 24, 2011

What Would Jesus Do?

First of all, happy easter!!

Okay, my thoughts for this post were created during church and some long pondering. You know how some people, such as a parent or priest, tell you to think 'what would jesus do?', well I have the answer!! Its SUCK YOUR BLOOD!!!!

Well, think about it. Didn't he rise from the dead? There are only two ways he could have done this: he is a zombie or a vampire. And since we are all not trying to eat each others brains and there is no hoard of fleshing-eating-dead-people at my door then I think its safe to say Jesus is not a zombie. Therefor he is a vampire!! 

How many of you want to be a vampire? Well you will be!! Every Sunday when you go and drink the Eucharist(the wine and bread), you are drinking his blood!! Slowly, very slowly, we are becoming vampires!! Our maker: Jesus.  And this is why I am a Catholic. I get to become a vampire, helllooooo, why would I be anything else?

You still don't believe me? Fine, more proof.  Does it not say in the Bible that God (God, Jesus, Holy Spirit) will raise the dead? How will he do that? By making us VAMPIRES!! In the Apocalypse, he will take all the good people and turn them into vampires; all the bad people will be left on earth to be ripped apart and sucked of their blood by the newly turned vampires. Do you see?? IT ALL MAKES SENSE!!
I am not alone in this belief. I'm sure other goths have come to this conclusion. Adora BatBrat has; here read her thesis on this topic: Jesus Is A Vampire

I you Jesus!!!

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